My Worse April Fool's

The need to fool others is something that has allowed the most cunning to survive, while the fooled starved to death. Most people who play pranks on others, however, are not doing so out of a necessity for food, but rather a necessity to kill boredom. Boredom and starvation are similar conditions. The voracious influence of American culture has cannibalized the global stage, making April Fool's into almost a global holiday. 

Throughout my travels, I have encountered countless people who've proclaimed wild things in an attempt to fool me. They managed to not only confuse me, but also surprise me. I love pranks! Scaring people is something that entertains me as much as the average Japanese salaryman. I don't think I could come to hate someone who jumps out of a bush, suddenly appears from a dark corner, or jumps down on me from a tree. Hell, I probably would laugh at myself if I ended up in the same situation as the Japanese fellow in this sniper prank:

However, I've learned that some pranks don't always go well when different cultures are involved. The Japanese sniper prank would probably result in many lawsuits and serious social fallout for whoever would be so bold as to orchestrate it in mass-shooting-happy America.What is seen as a funny, forgivable prank in one culture, can be a cruel, mean act in another.

It was April 2006, and I was off to Danbury, Connecticut with the rest of my Portuguese class. Danbury is a Brazilian colony in the heart of Connecticut and, as such, our professor took us there to enjoy non-vegan things that I couldn't eat. Careless as I am, I didn't bother to pack a lunch or to close my dorm room door in Lawrence. I was also too careless to remember that it was April Fool's, something that in the Bronx for me never translated into anything beyond something said in school.

When I returned from Danbury, I walked into my room and sat at my computer, barely realizing what had happened. Two of the girls on the 3rd floor had decided to swap my wardrobe with one of my suitemates. This means that not only did they walk into my bedroom, but they also opened my closet and removed every single item, opened every single drawer, and upturned every corner. They also did the same to my poor Vietnamese suitemate. 

To the girls on the 3rd floor it was a hilarious prank: the Vietnamese's flamboyant wardrobe had been swapped for the Dominican's monotonous, repetitive black, leaving them both perplexed. I didn't find it funny, however. I saw their intrusion into my closet as a criminal act of trespass, and the overturning and emptying of my closet as a puerile act that laid bare my poverty for all of Yale to laugh at. 

My closet freshman year consisted of 20 black t-shirts, 5 black cargo pants, one flight jacket (everyone from the Bronx has had one) and Foot Locker underwear. I paid a total of 150 dollars for every item in my closet, with money I received from a scholarship for disadvantaged minorities. 

After getting my closet back in order, I simply stopped talking to the two girls from the 3rd floor and never again acknowledged their presence; at least not until nearly three years later. It was February 2009, and I was at Feb Club -- a month-long drinking marathon for Yale seniors -- when we ended up in the same drunken circle. 

Eventually the topic of whether we knew each other because we were in the same residential college came up.

"We played a prank on you freshman year and you never spoke to us again. It was hard, 'cause I thought we were such good friends," said the Mexican one of the two. I could tell she was sincere. 

I never expected her to consider me a good friend, and at the time I didn't have the capacity to articulate why I couldn't handle a conversation with her. I realized that it was difficult for me to see anyone at Yale as a "good friend" even if they saw me as such. In my eyes, the only friend I needed was absolute, unwavering pride, and it had taken me from the Bronx to Yale; pride had not failed me, but friends almost always had. It's only now, after being so many years away from the Bronx, that I've come to understand the world from the perspective of someone who's never had to worry on a daily basis about getting stabbed on their way to and from school, or of arriving home to a beating.

In the Bronx I learned that you couldn't forgive a "serious transgression." To do so while also being the teacher's pet would be tantamount to asking for life-long victimization. It's been difficult to get out of that absolutist mentality, and it has often resulted in me discarding people that cared about me in cold, unforgiving ways that truly hurt them deeply. If there's one thing I learned at Yale, it was that emotional expression, or lack thereof, can be the biggest social barrier.

 

A Man in His 20s Could Start the Third World War

Kim Jong-un, born in 1983 or 1984, is the absolute ruler of North Korea. Rumors circulating in the Chinese media speculate that Mr. Kim, beyond just molding his Mao suit and hair style, has also undergone plastic surgery in order to resemble his grandfather, the late Kim Il-Sung: founder of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, hero of the Korean war, and the man who started it. But just what else is the young Mr. Kim trying to do like his grandfather Kim Il-Sung?

If recent speech is to be believed, the young Mr. Kim wants to start another war, just like his grandpa'. In the face of no UN support from China, Kim faces a rather serious problem: he is young and not widely supported in North Korea. He is seen by many as a young prince. North Koreans see his belly as a sign of laziness, and, worse, compare him to a character from a 90s children cartoon; a child general that makes goofy mistakes. 

Besides the rocket launch which on the 11th of December proved that North Korea could deliver a 500kg warhead up to 10,000km, potentially having the capability to reach San Francisco, Kim has no other accolades. Fortunately, the North has does not have a nuclear warhead under 1500kg, nor have they shown they have the technology needed for atmosphere re-entry.

The young Mr. Kim needs to prove to his people that he is strong and that the South fears him. He has threatened war with the South if it presses ahead with UN sanctions. If the South does not press ahead with sanctions, it will be lauded by the regime as proof of how strong and feared the young Mr. Kim is.

However, should the South proceed with sanctions, Kim Jong-Un will be seen as weak by his people. According to analysts, Kim has the intellectual capacity to fully understand that he is young and needs to prove himself. The sinking of the Cheonan -- that resulted in the death of more than 50 South Korean sailors -- and the bombardment of Yeongpyeong island were orchestrated by father and son to prove to the older military leadership that Kim was a dangerous genius feared by the imperialist powers. 

That there was no retaliation from the South for the attacks, only served to prove the young Mr. Kim. Although the first two strikes were tolerated, president Lee Myung-Bak of the South changed military procedures, allowing the South to bomb the North with jets in the event of another attack. 

As it stands, the South has strict procedures for defending itself in the event of another aggression. The possibility of aggression is very high. Kim Jong-Un has under his command a million man army -- the third largest in the world -- and he has continued nearly all of his father's psychopatic human rights abuses, and since he wants to be seen as the reincarnation of his grandfather, perhaps he is also willing to sacrifice a few million people in order to cement his rule. 

There are 28,000 US soldiers in South Korea, but the US is in little condition to stomach another sustained war. The North has stockpiled enough fuel to endure a two-month military campaign, and also enough food to sustain its military for many months more. 

If the young Mr. Kim is calculating his best odds -- for the survival of his regime -- he needs to sacrifice his most disloyal units and "win" a war against the South. The South does not want to see Seoul destroyed -- 25 million souls living there -- so Mr. Kim could very likely get away with destroying a smaller city. He doesn't care about his infrastructure-barren country getting bombed for a month or two. The South will likely try to reach an armistice after proper "retaliation."

Though the Korean war ended in an armistice and the two Koreas are still technically at war, North Koreans still laud it as a victory against the US. Mr. Kim believes he can do the same again. If he is successful, he will have an immense base of support. Kim is a gambling man, and this is a gamble he feels he needs to take. At this point, we can merely hope that the South does not push ahead with new UN sanctions. 

After that, we can only hope that Mr. Kim only destroys a small city. And, after that, we can only hope that the South calls for an armistice after a bombing campaign or less. 

If Kim fails to follow through on his promise to go to war over the South pushing for UN sanctions, the very real possibility remains that his regime may collapse and 23 million starving, modernity-disoriented refugees flock the South and also the Chinese border.

Given the current escalation between China, Taiwan, and Japan over the Senkaku islands in the East China Sea, the very real possibility remains that the world powers could be dragged into Mr. Kim's need to preserve his regime.

A Man in His 20s Could Start the Third World War

Kim Jong-un, born in 1983 or 1984, is the absolute ruler of North Korea. Rumors circulating in the Chinese media speculate that Mr. Kim, beyond just molding his Mao suit and hair style, has also undergone plastic surgery in order to resemble his grandfather, the late Kim Il-Sung: founder of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, hero of the Korean war, and the man who started it. But just what else is the young Mr. Kim trying to do like his grandfather Kim Il-Sung?

If recent speech is to be believed, the young Mr. Kim wants to start another war, just like his grandpa'. In the face of no UN support from China, Kim faces a rather serious problem: he is young and not widely supported in North Korea. He is seen by many as a young prince. North Koreans see his belly as a sign of laziness, and, worse, compare him to a character from a 90s children cartoon; a child general that makes goofy mistakes. 

Besides the rocket launch which on the 11th of December proved that North Korea could deliver a 500kg warhead up to 10,000km, potentially having the capability to reach San Francisco, Kim has no other accolades. Fortunately, the North has does not have a nuclear warhead under 1500kg, nor have they shown they have the technology needed for atmosphere re-entry.

The young Mr. Kim needs to prove to his people that he is strong and that the South fears him. He has threatened war with the South if it presses ahead with UN sanctions. If the South does not press ahead with sanctions, it will be lauded by the regime as proof of how strong and feared the young Mr. Kim is.

However, should the South proceed with sanctions, Kim Jong-Un will be seen as weak by his people. According to analysts, Kim has the intellectual capacity to fully understand that he is young and needs to prove himself. The sinking of the Cheonan -- that resulted in the death of more than 50 South Korean sailors -- and the bombardment of Yeongpyeong island were orchestrated by father and son to prove to the older military leadership that Kim was a dangerous genius feared by the imperialist powers. 

That there was no retaliation from the South for the attacks, only served to prove the young Mr. Kim. Although the first two strikes were tolerated, president Lee Myung-Bak of the South changed military procedures, allowing the South to bomb the North with jets in the event of another attack. 

As it stands, the South has strict procedures for defending itself in the event of another aggression. The possibility of aggression is very high. Kim Jong-Un has under his command a million man army -- the third largest in the world -- and he has continued nearly all of his father's psychopatic human rights abuses, and since he wants to be seen as the reincarnation of his grandfather, perhaps he is also willing to sacrifice a few million people in order to cement his rule. 

There are 28,000 US soldiers in South Korea, but the US is in little condition to stomach another sustained war. The North has stockpiled enough fuel to endure a two-month military campaign, and also enough food to sustain its military for many months more. 

If the young Mr. Kim is calculating his best odds -- for the survival of his regime -- he needs to sacrifice his most disloyal units and "win" a war against the South. The South does not want to see Seoul destroyed -- 25 million souls living there -- so Mr. Kim could very likely get away with destroying a smaller city. He doesn't care about his infrastructure-barren country getting bombed for a month or two. The South will likely try to reach an armistice after proper "retaliation."

Though the Korean war ended in an armistice and the two Koreas are still technically at war, North Koreans still laud it as a victory against the US. Mr. Kim believes he can do the same again. If he is successful, he will have an immense base of support. Kim is a gambling man, and this is a gamble he feels he needs to take. At this point, we can merely hope that the South does not push ahead with new UN sanctions. 

After that, we can only hope that Mr. Kim only destroys a small city. And, after that, we can only hope that the South calls for an armistice after a bombing campaign or less. 

If Kim fails to follow through on his promise to go to war over the South pushing for UN sanctions, the very real possibility remains that his regime may collapse and 23 million starving, modernity-disoriented refugees flock the South and also the Chinese border.

Given the current escalation between China, Taiwan, and Japan over the Senkaku islands in the East China Sea, the very real possibility remains that the world powers could be dragged into Mr. Kim's need to preserve his regime.

The Paradox of Our Time

Perestroiska -- Russian for "structure" -- was a political movement seeking to reform the Soviet Union in the 1980s. The Soviet Union was suppose to be reborn, but instead Chernobyl exploded in a fiery, radioactive rage, the Berlin wall was smashed to bits, and the Cold War ended.

The decay of the Soviet Union has left us with an ever-lasting reminder of the evil in humanity's soul. America taught us to hate and fear Russians, while proclaiming us the "good guys." And, yes, the Soviet Union was evil, but we are not so good ourselves. By we, I don't mean Americans. Instead I refer to the human collective.

If the Soviet Union had a divine purpose in its less than 70 years of existence -- shy of a man's lifetime -- it was to perpetually remind us of what we can do not only to each other, but also the environment. The eternal gift of the Soviet Union is: Chernobyl. The 30-kilometer exclusion zone around the Chernobyl nuclear power plant is considered to be the dirtiest radioactive site in Europe. It will not be safe for humans for another 20,000 years -- multiple times longer than the existence of human civilization.

It was feared that no life would ever return to Chernobyl, and very few of the city's 300,000 inhabitants have returned. The absence of humans, however, has led to an explosion of wild life. Chernobyl today is the largest animal sanctuary in Europe. Though the flora still suffers -- with mushrooms very dangerous -- the fauna have spoken.

It's as if the future is speaking back to us, telling us that we humans today are worse for the planet than radioactive fallout. In a 1,000 years, long after we are all dead and our names are but echoes in history, our progeny will proclaim: "they were worse than radiation."

The Paradox of Our Time

Peretroiska -- Russian for "structure" -- was a political movement seeking to reform the Soviet Union in the 1980s. The Soviet Union was suppose to be reborn, but instead Chernobyl exploded in a fiery, radioactive rage, the Berlin wall was smashed to bits, and the Cold War ended.

The decay of the Soviet Union has left us with an ever-lasting reminder of the evil in humanity's soul. America taught us to hate and fear Russians, while proclaiming us the "good guys." And, yes, the Soviet Union was evil, but we are not so good ourselves. By we, I don't mean Americans. Instead I refer to the human collective.

If the Soviet Union had a divine purpose in its less than 70 years of existence -- shy of a man's lifetime -- it was to perpetually remind us of what we can do not only to each other, but also the environment. The eternal gift of the Soviet Union is: Chernobyl. The 30-kilometer exclusion zone around the Chernobyl nuclear power plant is considered to be the dirtiest radioactive site in Europe. It will not be safe for humans for another 20,000 years -- multiple times longer than the existence of human civilization.

 

It was feared that no life would ever return to Chernobyl, and very few of the city's 300,000 inhabitants have returned. The absence of humans, however, has led to an explosion of wild life. Chernobyl today is the largest animal sanctuary in Europe. Though the flora still suffers -- with mushrooms very dangerous -- the fauna have spoken.

 

It's as if the future is speaking back to us, telling us that we humans today are worse for the planet than radioactive fallout. In a 1,000 years, long after we are all dead and our names are but echoes in history, our progeny will proclaim: "they were worse than radiation."